The Actual Dull Moments http://www.tam-ra.us What's Going On en blahblah@tam-ra.us Copyright 2004 2005-02-27T18:09:00-05:00 monthly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 What Do You Do Without Family? http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#25 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#23


2 Ma7 2006 11:54 AM

Well, it's official. The people I knew of as family died in aftermath of Katrina or cannot be found, and probably never will be. Everything about them, gone, Everything I knew of, gone. And all avoidable had someone given a damn about levees repairs and upgrades required years ago. Or just allowed pumps to be shipped from other places immediately after the levees broke. Katrina didn't really do any damage to homes. The levees breaking did the damage. Otherwise, people wouldn't have had roofs to stand on or hot attics to hide in while waiting for help.

If the people I knew of as family have survived and are struggling somewhere trying to start over with minimal help and access to basics, this I know is hard. Trying to do the same thing myself, and under a cloud of judgement from folks (some of whom I helped repeatedly when needed) with wealth or access to it, and plenty of room, while I go around in circles and from a hole. Ironically, the same people missing are the same ones who extended their homes to me when in need. The same homes which no longer exist.

Sad because these are the people who would always had my best interest at heart, and provided guidance and the most fun, especially when you needed it. We didn't spend time in malls trying to buy needless things. We weren't trying to keep up with "The Jones", because "The Jones" wouldn't be there for you no matter how much respect you showed them. You'd never get a brush off, or a gossiping hen who's only asking for info to talk about it later w/someone else. They wouldn't let you fall, or stand by and watch it happen (like a mother who leaves her child alone w/a known rapist).

Times like this make you wonder why some people remain alive while others are taken away too soon. I can think of about 5 people who serve absolutely no purpose except to remind you of what a cold-hearted "viper" is, but they're here. If I could trade my life to bring back certain people, I would. That way it's fair and balanced. Right now, just doesn't seem fair.
]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2006-03-04T00:49:00-05:00 My Italian Government Request http://stillconfused.com/yak/index.php http://stillconfused.com/yak/index.php In light of the U.S. immigration protests from illegal immigrants...I have a few requests of my own. wish me luck! LOL]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-12-04T16:23:00-05:00 The Twilight Zone & Back To The Future...All Rolled Up Into One http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#24 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#24 What in the world is happening to this world? It's like we haven't learned ANYTHING, are getting dumber and dumber, and slipping further and further back into time.

Ok, so abortion bans are being proposed in 2 states now. What's next? The south will attempt a second Civil War?

Almost an entire major city is now gone (New Orleans) along with surrounding areas and the residents who own homes and businesses are being kicked around like foster children that states are waiting for someone else to come and claim. Meanwhile people are still packing into malls like they're giving away stuff, yet an entire town is forced to live in tents with outdoor plumbing. Or worse, sleep in their car with a mortgage still to pay. What happened to "bring us your poor, your tired...blah...blah...blah"? Is that just for people crossing over the borders or smuggling things through them?

More people outside of this country are anxious to help than those sitting right here worried about NASDAQ and oil prices, and ooooh, that jewelry would go great with this stupid outfit. It's hard to believe the title of "humans" still applies. Animals have been reaching out more trying to help others. A cat recently tried to rescue a baby. Lions recently protected a baby from harm FROM HUMANS. A dog carried a baby across a busy road to get help for it.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2006-03-04T00:49:00-05:00 How To Pray, hmmm... http://stillconfused.com/yak/index.php http://stillconfused.com/yak/index.php A recent convo with G.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-12-04T16:23:00-05:00 How To Pray, hmmm... http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#23 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#23 A recent convo with G.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-12-04T16:23:00-05:00 Oh What A Tangled Web We Weave http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#22 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#22 Thank goodness I actually know of quite a few gay people who have a great deal of integrity. Because of Bob Williamson of Steal-Eye (SteelEye), I'd assume all homosexuals were lying, deceitful, manipulative, catty, scornful demons that even hell spit out. And I'd be out there protesting against homosexuals toting bible in all. I try to treat each person based upon their inward character. But his inward character is venomous, not to mention costly. If he was a straight male, I'd have to wonder how he'd behave. Because the bulk of his character seems to stem from daily lying and cover ups surrounding his homosexuality, and he's mastered being manipulative and weaseling his way out of the damage he causes.

When hearing all the horror stories from women at NCR who had been harmed by him, I couldn't help but cry for them. But Bob has no remorse and in fact justifies his behavior, similar to what a serial killer would do. He's outright frightening.

I only wish those stories were made available before I moved 7,000 miles away to Steal-Eye fraud land. Then upon moving, that slimy little weasel, which is exactly what he looks like, tells me QA couldn't exist and would have to be sidelined until "they" as in engineering decides they're just a few days away from product release. Now how unethical is that?! Someone has just made a major life change and he acts like I moved around the damned corner. And on top of that all I got to watch was Bob, Channler Drawdy, Rindy Abdelnour and Maria Scott commit one fraudulent and deceitful activity after another.

Well, I've decided to stop the uphill climb to get back to where I was before Steal-Eye fraud land which left the door open for more frauds/thugs. If I'm going down, I'm going down exposing all and will ensure another fraud doesn't take place. There's so much documentation Bob, Drawdy, Abdelnour and Scott provided, I can plan a release of a new set weekly, including long after I'm gone. Only thing to stop me would be one of them developing a conscience and making things right. But for now we have to do things their way, which is their open choice. I can't continue to hope or wait for someone to act with a conscience while my life has been changed severely.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-10-01T14:00:00-05:00 Do or Literally Die Time http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#21 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#21 After tirelessly trying to recover from financial losses, it's friggin' hard. Basic things like rent, food, utilities are a constant struggle. Every cent goes towards an expense, with the only fun available through others, and by then I'm so friggin' emotionally tired of the circle, it's not even funny. Even my cat checks up on me while I'm trying to get sleep which is often impossible. She puts her paw on my forehead and stares with a serious concerned look as if to say "are you ok? you don't respond as quickly as you used to when I request something?"

Unlike most folks, I don't have a parent I can move in with while getting back on my feet, I have to stay on my feet while trying to stay afloat. The only parent left would be a sure death sentence because they don't listen or even understand the situation, and will be looking out for their best interest in the situation. The answer to everything while they're in malls buying needless things and traveling to resorts is find another job, as in a job for everything (work 24/7). To say that to someone who's worked for the past 22 years w/no one providing any breaks or anything and who lost it all in months to crooks is just so insensitive. Or the other favorite advice is don't rely upon others while sitting in church reading about what christians would do. So, a christian would let another human being suffer? And what's their God's name again? So I should isolate myself in misery and think of other humans as "invisible", yup, I guess what their God would do. The worst advice I can't even repeat as I can't believe I'd hear it from a parent, nor have any of my friends' parents even imagined stating similar things to their child. You know you have it bad when your parent, your supposed base of comfort, kicks you when you're down. But I should expect this from this particular person who was never there to begin with. Had to live and learn around and in spite of them and w/out their "parental" advice.

And I'm not the type to rely upon a man, as most women do for all their needs. I've already seen enough miserable relationships from that routine. And I've been on my own since 18, so it would be a whole new world to rely upon someone for daily needs.

What baffles me is what person thinks someone wants to repeat something that was not easy the first time? I had to work through school, work through work, and more. The more I made the more taxes were deducted. (The house purchased was supposed to be a big tax break became a part one thing I wished I hadn't purchased as I could have left the SteelEye hustle debt free with the high deductions.) Just when you're looking forward to time off, extended hours come in for a company which probably doesn't even remember your name at the end of the day. Or just when you're enjoying your job, here comes a screw up manager with personal hidden agendas who throws a monkey wrench into everyone's program!

But what can you do, except deal with what you have. I would just like my life and perfect credit/high score back, before I made that wrong turn to SteelEye/organized crime hell! But that's not going to happen, no matter how much I pray for relief. My only luck is that it's been so long since I've been able to afford a full physical, who knows what I could be dying of from stress and skipping meals and not by choice.

Meanwhile, I get to see the hustlers living w/out a care in the world. I wonder why I didn't become grimy after being cheated and why I literally expected one of the hustlers to have a conscience, or care. The funniest thing was actually calling the person after the check was returned and asking for a replacement (like it was that easy). This was the equivalent of calling Lucky Luciano and asking for property recently heisted back! While I was literally starving, losing my home and car and every single asset I worked for and to maintain for the future since there was no multiple income household situations for me, Channler Drawdy was being employed under deceit by another company as a high paying executive with fake credentials and probably got paid to leave that one too. SteelEye doesn't care and chances of unethical liars caring are slim to none. To them I'm just one little black girl who can't stop them from commiting more fraud or stop them from getting sales from other unsuspecting customers, investors and partners. My situation was even discussed in their board meeting, but moreso for "how do we keep our asses clean on this one?". And the organized crime member was traveling the world with peace and tranquility promoting his new movie with stolen money about another infamous criminal. Then had the nerve and audacity to get pissed (sent me direct death threats and more) that I was upset at what was done to me because it was interrupting his other hustles pending, as if I need to learn how to be a "good victim" and let them do their organized crime thing! Yeah, right!! Not in my crazy ass world! And ironically the movie, produced with stolen money while collecting welfare, was to trash law enforcement officers, and I have family members in law enforcement and various areas of civil service.

I just don't get it. I'm trying to hold on. Reconnecting with my favorite person was a lifeline, but not enough since I had to move away to save money months before they were transferred to where I was and truly loved being. So I lost two things at once! I need to be happy and comfortable, otherwise, I'm not being fair to anything including myself. But where I am now, that seems almost like parting the Atlantic Ocean by sneezing. But just when you think you have it bad, you see stories like this that make you think another day is worth it.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-08-17T16:35:00-05:00 Elimi-rape http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#20 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#20 Ok, so you know the show Elimi-date? Well, how about Elimi-rape? How about we put these twisted...hmmm... well, I don't know what to call them, but it sure won't be a human name, but put these twisted predators together for a closed-door reality show:
John Evander Couey... come on down to contestants' row, you sick (censored) you!
Joseph E. Duncan III...
David Onstott...
Marcus Wesson
and....the lucky lady to be competed for....
Karla Homolka a.k.a. Karla Teal ready girlfriend?! we picked THESE...ummm..."guys" just for you!

Together, in a large room, complete with the finest of poisoned food and the finest crafted furniture which sends out high volume electric shocks at the slightest touch.

Whoever wins is then treated to a televised beatdown from a variety of parents who don't want their kids or anyone's kids falling into the hands of anyone like them ever again. Ok, so I won't be offered a job as a warden any time in this lifetime, but at least I'm offering GOOD suggestions instead of parole, trials, free food and housing, more rapes in prison, manipulation, etc.

Here are 5 bastards who really shouldn't be alive that will live comfortably with 3 meals a day, while thousands of children in impoverished countries die daily. And as for Karla Homolka a.k.a. Karla Teal, she's now a free woman who can actually complain about how society treats her and she wants fairness. WTF?! Well, Karla, let's ask your victims about this. Oh that's right, we can't because you KILLED THEM! Maybe people are speaking on their behalf perhaps.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-07-04T23:55:00-05:00 Moving anyone? http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#19 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#19 Ok so this past year has been nothing but moves. Move to temp place until apartment is ready. Move from apt to another temp place. Move from temp place to another temp place (thanks for that!). Then move to place, which wasn't what I expected, but hey now have the choice to move or stay there. Don Diva Missy Kitti's looking at me like "good luck with that, I'm staying right here".

But main thing is moving from once comfortable life to what I can afford. Those days of comfort are gone. Thanks to frauds who ironically are living comfortably and very well without a care in the world thanks to my "comfort". Funny, most people in my situation would have ended their life or ended the lives of the frauds. But for now, just focusing on me and what I can do daily. I hate it when someone calls me and tells me about something I could do for the future, when the day ain't over and still dozens of other problems to take care of. Basic stuff that people take for granted, like eating, health, and other basic comforts.

When I hear and see someone complaining who has their own home esp. one that's fully paid for by someone else, their own car or more than one, ample finances including for buying shit not really needed, and other luxuries not really needed, I start to see a really hideous person that I'm just dying to steer clear of. No point in telling them how blessed they are because if they understood that, they wouldn't be complaining about trivial stuff while stuffing their faces with extra food, and cluelessly in front of me. Like the still-going-on story of the guy who has been offered almost $5,000,000.00 (yes 5 million) for his swamp land in Florida, but won't move from it because he's complaining about having to give up crap for the purpose of restoration! More Story Info]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-05-18T18:05:00-05:00 Deep reflections or just more bull... http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#11 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#11 Wow, it's already the middle of April. Pretty soon, it'll be July, then the holiday season again. Geesh. But marriage season is coming up, with that same question asked over and over: "how come you never got married?". Easy: no quality men when interested, and too busy working for companies' benefit. And what did I get out of all that work? No money and lots of knowledge, including about the lack of integrity of upper management. I should have just taken the irresponsible route, and would have had more fun and at someone else's expense. Funny, I've recently paid for the irresponsible route of others who don't have a financial care in the world.

But there were plenty of good ones that got away: William G, (aaaah William, William William! a real man who does exist), Stephen Baldwin (nope not that one, but what was I thinking? I actually had a "Baldwin" and a simple family guy who was hella funny and fun to be with), Dalvin (but he's married to a beautiful and nice woman, so I'm very happy with that because he's a good guy), Jerome (sigh), Kevin L, Greg Langston, Mack Morgan (that smile, and damn he looked good in his marine uniform), David G. (a gorgeous hazel-eyed mormon with the sweetest crush, but hell I was catholic and too anti-God for the longest), Keith G. (so good even when just friends, a classmate worked overtime to call me about him for her benefit *rolling eyes*), Richard Benn (we're now worried sick about him, but not much we can do, but we'll all be here for him, and still kicking my ass for moving away from him, or should have just dragged him with me), Jeff W. (so cool and so good a woman proposed to him, beehotch! but I'm not bitter.... :o) his sincerity, honesty and brain were total turn-ons), Larry Basner (a chef! what the hell was I thinking?! I just couldn't handle the smoking, but he was a great guy) and Scott and Ain (two people I treated like shit in the end, just because I could and felt like dumping some of the careless shit dumped on me, but I miss Ain's friendship, humor and intelligence more than anything).

And ironically none of these guys are anything like the losers I dated. Some of the losers I now wonder what the hell it was I saw in the first place. In fact, all of the guys above have qualities on the top level of my "must have qualities" list. See, it's not timing, it's about paying friggin' attention.

But then marriage-schmarriage...I've only seen a couple really work, the rest ended in bitter divorces or dysfunctional situations. So who knows, I probably didn't miss anything. But I know for sure I'm missing nothing with today's multi-baby and multi-women having responsibility dodging "I've always liked men but am coming out after 20 years of marriage to a woman" fools.

Oh gee... next month, birthday month. How can I get members of FDNY or NYPD to do a strip show? Mental note: get doctor's note which says "strip show is a matter of life and death". (find drunk ass doctor)]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-04-08T22:09:00-04:00 Yup, it sure is March http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#8 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#8 Well, the official end of the year is approaching and the 40 days of fasting and reflection is approaching with the official beginning of the new year, April (Adib). And with the end of the year, a lot has been left behind, including some people I'd like to "just take this time to pray for" *sigh*. Just hoping for a "subvention", and giving up on the "people get a clue" idea. More important to be with those who matter most and count your blessings as you're never guaranteed anything. Hmmm...thinking next month would be a good time to put together a "How To Recognize An Opportunist" class.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-03-22T20:20:00-05:00 March Already? http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#7 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#7 I know February is a short month, but it came and went. Crazy weather everywhere - north, south, east and west. More and more crazy situations showing up in news: people killing their kids over not eating sandwiches, mothers who can't cope alone raising kids, so they're killed while father stands around looking blank faced, serial killer sitting right next to neighbors even in church for over 30 years like "nothing is wrong", a never ending war in the middle east, hundreds of children disappearing or being neglected at home worldwide, but only one type makes national news consistently with a sense of urgency, and lots of other crazy news. And top priority tonight: The Oscars. And the year has just begun. *sigh* Chile, if these ain't signs, I don't know what to tell ya. Time to get right with the man upstairs before it's too late. Playing games with people, plotting and planning twisted evil, and dealing with nonsense ain't gonna get it. Then again, when HAS IT?]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-02-27T18:09:00-05:00 Too Many Great Ones Going At Once http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#5 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#5 What a day. First, I hear an icon from movie "Animal House", John "Dean Wormer/Mr. Big" Vernon died. Then, shortly after that I get an e-mail bulletin that activist and actor, Ossie Davis had died. So shocked, thought it was some sort of typo, only to find out it's real. Seeing him is a constant reminder of all the struggles of African-Americans from 1870 to 1980, and how he continued to maintain his dignity even during the most dehumanizing times. He was a constant reminder of the tireless works of both Dr. King and Malcolm X. Still loving that dinner movie scene from "Jungle Fever", and, of course, "I brought you into this world, I'll take you out" scene with him and Gator in "Jungle Fever" as well. He lived a well-lived and non-wasted life. Then, what seemed like a good guys taken down double-whammy, the news of boxing great and humanitarian, Max Schmeling dying hit television news. So many people judged him incorrectly, but never took the time to find out about this extraordinary, yet quiet man.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-02-04T18:30:00-05:00 Where's Your Stalker Exchange Department? http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#4 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#4 Umm... dayum! I couldn't even get a smart stalker. I've got the stupidest, non-spelling one. And here's where the brightness aspect comes in. They go through such a dramatic effort to email me directly via my contact page, which is done by a human, and does this from an AOL account, which is typically done via a phone line, and which is linked to their credit card and name. Then sends the dumbest email asking about someone I hardly even know, then when regretfully told (should have just ignored them, but you never know) "sorry, you must have me confused with someone else", continues to send "cat and mouse" emails, and then when trapped like a dumb rat, plays the "somebody's been breaking into my email accounts, it must be you", but of course NOT with all those literate words. The email was filled with typo, after typo, after typo. Yeah... umm... ok, surely there's a pill for that kind of stupidity. It's like stalker: get a clue...my daily priorities do not involve hatching out cartoonish plans against losers I could really care less about. And if I'm that talented, wouldn't I want to apply "hacking" skills for something profitable, instead of a non-profitting delusional non-spelling loser? My day actually involves realistic things like eating, sleeping, rebuilding and living, including living and rebuilding as far away from losers who can't get a clue, or just ignoring them or using them for entertainment like now. But apparently their day DOES involve cartoonish dramas, which confirms I have a really stupid stalker. *Sigh* Maybe I can upgrade my stalker for a Dennis Haysbert or Tom Welling/Clark Kent type.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-02-02T18:15:00-05:00 Yeah, it's gotta be me http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#3 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#3 Ok, so now I have an admirer a.k.a. "stalker". And I'm thinking this person has to be seriously disturbed, if they're stalking a disturbed person who's lost all faith in people. Funny thing is I can't take it seriously. Unless the "admirer" is going to find me and hand me $460,000, the amount lost to frauds. But as I sit here unshowered with my silk nightcap on, and a frankenstein-green Queene Helene facial mask on, I'm thinking "man, I have game!". The person has gone through such efforts to be a part of my life: disguising as others or pretending to be a friend of someone I don't know or could really care less about. Maybe they think their crazy ass is "the one". Yeah, umm huh.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-01-31T14:32:00-05:00 Coldest Saturday In U.S. http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#0 http://www.tam-ra.us/blah.php#0 Even the mafia kitty didn't want to go out and shake down anyone today. Then again, nothing outside to shake down from the cold. Ice in ATL, cold in Florida and freezing in Texas. Even snow in parts of Hawaii. More important, wondering why the board is so quiet today. I think my "adult-oriented question" scared them away. Chickens.]]> blahblah@tam-ra.us The Actual Dull Moments 2005-01-29T17:15:00-05:00